


Shiro, Where Are You?

by SandyWitches



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Klance if you squint, Shiro is gone, keith takes out anger on other paladins, lance comforts keith, worried lance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-08 08:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11643204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandyWitches/pseuds/SandyWitches
Summary: In which Keith is overcome with rage and grief over Shiro's disappearance, and we see how it affects him and the rest of the team.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know Keith seems out of character, but I feel like this is how he'd react to his grief and all the pressure in leading Voltron. He'd lash out. Anyway, enjoy!

Shiro was gone.

Shiro was _gone._

_He’s gone._

_Get over it. Did you really think he would stay that long?_

His sword sliced through the drone’s chest. “Start training level 6,” he said, walking back to the center of the training room.

_Stop being a baby._

_Your team needs you._

_Quit being selfish._

Keith cried out as he was thrown across the room. His side ached. 

_You need to be stronger._

He stood up and the drone rushed at him again.

_You’re weak. ___

_The drone swept his feet out from under him._

_Shiro’s gone because you weren’t strong enough to save him._

__Keith let out a choked sob._ _

_You_ weren’t _strong enough._

__He pulled himself up, staggering with fatigue and pain._ _

_Do you want that to happen to your teammates?_

__The drone readied itself. Keith held his bayard up._ _

___You can’t be that weak again. You can’t let them take anyone else._ _ _

__The drone moved. He blinked and it was in front of him._ _

_They need to be protected._

__It raised its staff, preparing for the blow. Keith stared hazily.  
_If they were gone…__ _

__The staff fell towards him. Keith didn’t move. At the last second, it vanished. “What…” he muttered._ _

__A familiar figure ran across the room. _Lance.__ _

__Keith felt himself take a step backwards. “Keith!” Lance lunged towards him and caught him in his arms._ _

__“What… what happened?” asked Keith, blurrily._ _

__“What are you doing?” demanded Lance. “Are you training yourself to death? If I hadn’t deactivated the training thingy, you would be a pancake right now!”_ _

__“Y-you deactivated,” he repeated, his confusion slowly heating to anger. “You deactivated the training session?”_ _

__Lance had the audacity to look miffed at his tone. “Yes. I just said that. Quit yelling.”_ _

__“No!” roared Keith. “I—I was—You had no right!”_ _

__“I had every right!” said Lance. “You were going to be killed!”_ _

__“I was not!”_ _

__“Yes, you were! Did you even sleep?”_ _

__Keith was swaying with fatigue. "Um, yes?"_ _

<“You _idiot._ ” said Lance. “How the hell are we supposed to get Shiro back when our oh-so-brilliant leader passes out in the middle of a battle?" 

__“I-I won’t pass out!” said Keith, trying and failing to push Lance away._ _

__“You’re sleeping, right now,” ordered Lance._ _

__Keith glared. “You need to stop, right now.”_ _

__Lance was already dragging him out of the training room. He gently plucked Keith’s bayard out of his hands._ _

__“I said, stop!” shouted Keith. “I need to train! I need to be stronger!”_ _

Lance—Lance _ignored_ him. _Who the hell does this guy think he is?_

__“We’re here,” said Lance, “Go to sleep, Mullet-Man. I’ll see you in the morning. Don’t think about sneaking out—I’ve got Coran keeping an eye on you.”_ _

__He shoved Keith into the room, and shut the door._ _

__Keith tried to summon the energy to maintain his anger. The world spun around him, and he blacked out._ _

__

__**_ _

__

__The next morning, he stumbled into breakfast, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “Looks like Sleeping Beauty got his rest,” said Lance, smirking._ _

__Keith didn’t reply. He sat down and began to eat. The usual chatter began to fill the air. Lance and Coran trading puns, Hunk and Pidge arguing about something technical, and Allura sometimes chipping in to cheer Coran on. There were little spurts of laughter, everyone had a small smile on their faces. Almost as if… almost as if Shiro was never even here. Almost as if they had forgotten. His stomach clenched._ _

He put his spoon down, unable to take another bite. His ears were buzzing. He felt weak. Shiro was gone. His mentor, his friend , his—basically his brother, his _rock_ —gone. He could feel himself slipping, losing himself to the obsessive, impulsive side to him that he had been able to ward off after meeting Shiro. _Patience yields focus._

But he couldn’t be patient. He couldn’t focus. Shiro was _gone_. He hadn’t realized how much he depended on Shiro, needed his reassuring touch, until now. He was _alone._ And, if he was telling the truth, he knew this would happen. Good things never last, especially not for him. He knew that being so attached, so disgustingly _dependant_ on someone else would never end well. They would leave and he would _hurt. A lot._

__“Keith?”_ _

__He looked up, startled. Allura was staring at him. “We were just talking about doing some training,” she continued, softly._ _

__He clenched his teeth. They needn’t tiptoe around him like he was a child. He dealt with loss before. He knew how to overcome it—right?_ _

__“We’re going to need to polish up some of our combat skills,” said Coran, twisting the ends of his mustache. “We need to get used to our bayards! Change into your armor, all of you, and come back in ten doboshes.”_ _

_Lance stretched. “All right,” he boasted, “time for all of you to look upon your sharpshooter in _awe!_ ” _

__

__“Cool,” said Pidge, poker-faced, “When does he get here?”_ _

__

__Hunk burst into laughter. “Oooh, she got you good, bud.”_ _

__

__Lance was staring at Pidge with a look of mock anger. “How _dare_ you?”_ _

__

__Keith pushed out his chair and walked past them. “Quit goofing off,” he bit out. “We need to focus.”_ _

__

__

__

__**_ _

__

__

__

The training room was chaos. There were multiple “rocks” and “boulders” littered throughout the room to make it seem more like a battlefield. There were five Level 5 drones attacking them. And… they had _guns._

__

__“Gah!” Lance dove behind a boulder. “How are we gonna take these things down?”_ _

__

__“We need to work out a strategy!” said Pidge. “Keith! Allura! What do we do?”_ _

__

__“Just take them out!” Keith vaulted over a boulder and slashed towards a drone, only to be thrown back by a blast to his chest. “AGH!”_ _

__

__“Keith!” shouted Hunk._ _

__

__“Allura!” said Lance. “Cover him!”_ _

__

__“On it!” Allura raced forward with her staff-bayard._ _

__

__Keith let out a groan as Pidge and Lance dragged him towards the nearest cover. “We can’t do this much longer,” warned Hunk. “They’re coming closer!”_ _

__

__It was true. The drones were inching closer. Allura struck the blasts with her staff, sending them back towards the drones, but she was being pushed back. “We need a plan,” said Pidge._ _

__

__Keith pushed himself into a sitting position. “We need to utilize our strengths as a team,” he said._ _

__

__“Yeah,” said Lance. “Pidge, Keith, Allura, you guys are close range fighters while me and Hunk are long-range fighters. So that means—”_ _

__

__“We’ll have to shield you and Hunk from the blasts in order to let you shoot them,” finished Keith, dully._ _

__

__“I’ve also got a versatile bayard,” said Pidge. “It’s sort of long-range and short-range.”_ _

__

__“Keith, Allura and Pidge need to figure out a way to work together,” said Lance. “Guys, it’s like that training exercise we did back on planet Arus. You need to watch each other’s backs with your shields!”_ _

__

__“Yeah!” Hunk punched his fist into the air. “We’ll pick ‘em off from back here!”_ _

__

__“It also doesn’t hurt,” said Allura, hiding behind a boulder now, “that those drones won’t be able to fight close range as well as we can, given that they have guns.”_ _

__

__“So it’s settled,” said Pidge. “We’ll have to move in a triangular formation. Allura, you’ll stand at the front because you can deflect shots with that staff thingie. Keith and I will follow you.”_ _

__

__Keith raised his bayard. “Whatever. Let’s just get this over with.”_ _

__

__He ignored the glance that Lance threw at him. Pidge’s face was unreadable. “Go! Now!” yelled Lance, backing away._ _

__

__Keith bolted forward, activating his shield. Allura’s spun her staff around, deflecting blasts and Pidge threw up her shield. The drones ran towards them. Yellow and blue lights flashed in the corner of his eye._ _

__

__When they collided with the drones, it was absolute madness. A drone leaned over him, only to be batted away by Allura. He stabbed another that was readying to shoot Pidge. Pidge flung out her grappling hook bayard and unbalanced another, who had its faced smashed in by Allura. Lance and Hunk quickly took out the others. It was over, that quickly._ _

__

__Pidge sat heavily on the floor. “Wow,” she smiled. “I thought we were dead meat for sure.”_ _

__

__“No kidding,” said Hunk. “I was terrified, those drones are something else!”_ _

__

__“Great work, paladins!” said Allura, smiling. “We are a great team.”_ _

__

__“Couldn’t have done it without you, Princess,” Lance winked at her._ _

__

__Keith said nothing. The buzzing in his ear returned. They were a great team? When they were with Shiro they were a great team! His stomach turned. Were they already replacing him?_ _

__

__“Hey Keith,” said Pidge, breaking into his thoughts. “You okay?”_ _

__

__He crossed his arms and turned away from their concerned faces. “Yeah.” His voice was clipped._ _

__

__“Doesn’t seem like it,” said Lance._ _

__

__“Yeah? Well, what do you know, Lance? You’re nothing but a burden,” snapped Keith._ _

__

__He felt a vicious swell of satisfaction as he watched the hurt roll over Lance’s face. “Keith!” said Allura, sternly. “You cannot speak that way to your fellow teammates! We’re here for you. If something’s bothering you, spit it out.”_ _

__

“Spit it out?” repeated Keith. “ _Spit it out?_ Fine. I’ll _spit it out_ for you to understand. 

__

“How can you all stand here acting like everything is perfect? How? Shiro is _gone_ and instead of trying to find him, you all are sitting here and joking around! Do you not care about him? No, I know the answer to that. You don’t. Instead of focusing on finding him, you’re trying to _replace_ him!” 

__

__“Keith!” snapped Allura. “That’s hardly fa—”_ _

__

__“Oh, really?” he snarled._ _

__

__“Yes! We all understand what you’re go—”_ _

__

“What?” he could hardly believe his ears. “You understand _nothing!_ He was the only family I had remaining, and he’s _gone!_ How could you, the perfect princess who’s beloved by every single damn thing in the universe, understand? He was the only one that tried to get to know me and helped! The only thing you _understand_ is how to take his place. Did you really think that you could ever measure up to Shiro?” 

__

__Silence. Allura took a step back, her face clouded. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out._ _

__

__“Keith,” said Pidge, her voice breaking, “please. We would never—”_ _

__

__He swung towards her, snarling. He wanted to hurt them. He wanted them to hurt for every second he hurt. “Pidge—”_ _

__

__“Keith, stop!” said Lance. “Calm down. There’s no way we could ever forget—”_ _

__

“What would you know, _cargo pilot?_ ” Those last two words were positively ugly. “The only thing you’ve done the entire time we’ve been up in space is _fight with me!_ Maybe, if you’d been more focused, we would have been able to save Shiro. You’re a useless waste of space! What have you even done here?” 

__

__Lance inhaled sharply. “Y-you’re seriously blaming Shiro’s disappearance on me?”_ _

__

“Like any of you did anything to stop Shiro’s disappearance. None of you even _cared_ the way I did! Pidge literally just _used_ him to look for her own family. Hunk spends more time with food than any of us. I just—I can’t—” he stalked out of the room, his heart pounding in his chest. 

__

__He made his way haltingly to the observatory deck. He looked at the stars, his insides in turmoil. Then he broke down in tears._ _

__


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Lance comforting Keith

The tears had stopped long ago. But he stayed, looking up at the stars. Doing his best to get out of his head. It wasn’t working. 

He put his head in his hands miserably. Some team leader he turned out to be. He couldn’t even keep it together for a couple days without lashing out at his team. He remembered their faces and felt his stomach clench. How could he have said those things to them? What was _wrong_ with him?

Ever since Shiro disappeared, he felt like his life was spinning out of control. He needed to be there for his team; he was their _leader_ now, after all. What the hell was Shiro thinking when he put Keith up to this task? The pressure nearly pinned him down in bed for the entire day. He wasn’t ready for this responsibility… and he never wanted to be. This wasn’t how the fight with Zarkon was supposed to end. _God,_ could nothing go his way? Why was the universe so determined to rip away everything and everyone that he was close to?

There was a hole in his chest. There always had been. He thought he had it under control, but … there was just so much _pain._ It felt like he was caving in on himself. He was crumbling to pieces, with no one to hold him together. It was too big out here. It was too lonely. It was too cold and uncaring and cruel. He never thought it mattered to him before. Shiro had been sucked out of his life, stolen by the universe. And now there was nothing to replace him but the coldness, the cruelty, the _nothingness_ , swooping in to steal everything Keith was. He could feel it in his chest as the hole widened and widened. He was disappearing.

He pressed a hand against himself, as if trying to hold himself together, to stop himself from fading away. _I’m still here. I’m still fighting. I’m still here. I’m still_ here.

How long had it been since he had blown up at his team? An hour? Did it matter? They hated him now. They had to. He’d taken out his frustration on them, like a child. Like they were nothing but punching bags. But they weren’t. That’s the thing, he cared about them _so much._ So much, it hurt. They were all he had, his entire family. But Shiro’s disappearance was a reminder of how easily families could be broken apart. Of how easily _Keith_ could be broken apart. And it terrified him. 

How could he have let this happen? He had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t let anyone else close to him, not after the death of his father nearly killed him. Keith had _known_ how easily he cares for people, how brightly that fire burns for the people he loves. So he did his best to smother it. he had begged himself. _Please. I can’t take this pain._

Then Shiro came along. Bloody Shiro, he made it seem like the world wasn’t so hopeless. Like he might actually stay. There was just something so… so _permanent_ about him. You couldn’t imagine him ever dying, he seemed too good for that. And Keith, despite himself, despite knowing how this could end, let himself open up again. Let that fire blaze.

The Kerberos mission seemed like a giant _fuck you_ from the universe. _What, you thought he would actually stay? You thought that you could be happy? You fool._

The fire had never been brighter when he had first formed Voltron. He was so… so _happy_ that he could barely feel the hole in his chest anymore. They had seemed invincible. After all, they _were_ the most powerful people in the universe. How could anything go wrong? Then the universe popped in and said, _I’ll show ya!_ and proceeded to tear apart and destroy Keith’s life. As usual.

“Um, Keith.”

Keith turned his head. It was Lance. He didn’t respond. He was drowning under another wave of shame.

Lance was standing near the doorway, his hands in his pockets, an apprehensive look on his face. Sighing, he passed a hand over his face, then sat down next to him. “Hey, bud,” he said.

Keith turned away, hiding his face with his hand. Why was Lance here? Keith had been terrible to him. If the situation was flipped, he would have let Lance suffer and ignored him. Was he here to yell at him?

“Keith, buddy, look at me.” Lance pulled his hand away and turned Keith’s head towards him. He looked unnerved at Keith’s sudden vulnerability. 

“Sorry,” whispered Keith. “I-I’m sorry, I was—I was horrible, I’m really sorry—” and then he was crying, big, fat, sloppy tears falling down his cheeks. “I just—”

Lance squished him against his chest and said, “Shh, Keith. Just cry.”

And he did. Keith had never thought of Lance as a comforting person before. His weird rivalry and his _out-there-ness_ had sort of warded Keith off. And made him jealous. Lance just had this _thing_ where he was brimming with confidence and oozing charisma all over the place. He had this assurance to himself, like he never had to worry about losing anyone he cared about. And never have to. It was a sort of innocence, really. 

Keith wanted that innocence, desperately. Because the fear of losing anyone had become sort of like a second skin, something he couldn’t shake off. And even though Lance had declared him his rival, Keith had developed a grudging respect for him. His jokes and banter helped Keith to lighten up and smile once in a while, something that Keith valued beyond anything. Lance helped him focus and get out of his own head. 

And when Keith needed Lance’s help most, needed that banter, that smile, he had lashed out. He dug his claws into Lance’s weakest spots and slashed. He didn’t deserve Lance’s comfort right now. Lance and the rest of the team should be screaming at him right now. They should be throwing him out, or something. Not this.

Shame grew hot in Keith’s throat. God, he was a terrible person. He tried to push himself off of Lance because Lance, _you don’t need to do this,_ but the arms around him tightened until Keith couldn’t move. “Yeah, _no_ ,” Lance said. Keith could hear the vibrations of Lance’s voice through his chest. It was oddly comforting. “You’re not about to run away on me when you’re so clearly in pain.”

“ _Why not?_ ” It came out so much more wretched and torn up that Keith intended. 

Lance didn’t answer right away. Keith tried to look up at his expression, prying away Lance’s hands, but Lance just smushed him tighter into his chest. _How is this scrawny kid so strong?_

“Uh, well,” said Lance, “you’re my friend. Duh.”

“I am?”

“What? Of course! What, did you think you’d be able to get rid of me that easily?”

“What? No, that’s not what I…” As usual, Keith caught onto Lance’s joke too late.

Lance chuckled. The sound warmed Keith up, and he pressed himself into Lance even harder. “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

“Dude, I know,” said Lance. He began to pat Keith’s head, his fingers gently rubbing his scalp. Keith went utterly still underneath his hands.

“What,” said Keith, clearing his throat, “what are you doing?”

“This is what my older sister used to do when I wouldn’t stop crying. Do you want me to stop?”

“No! No,” said Keith, frantically. “It feels… it feels nice.”

The knot of tension and fear in Keith’s core had begun to melt. He twisted up his hands in Lance’s shirt and held on like he was afraid Lance would disappear. Which he was. 

“Keith,” said Lance, “do you want to talk about it?”

Keith said nothing.

“I know you’re upset—heck, I’m upset too, I’m so mad at-at the fact that Shiro isn’t here and it _hurts_ , but I want you to know that you can always talk to us. Bottling up your feelings may be easier to you, but it’s _really_ unhealthy, and—”

“I’m scared,” interrupted Keith, trying to find the best way to put his words. “I-I’m scared that I’m going to-to mess up. That I’ve already messed up.” He struggled to string together the words that had been bouncing around in his head, screaming to be acknowledged. Lance was quiet, as if he was afraid he would startle Keith back into silence.

“I—Shiro’s gone, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to—what I’m supposed to do, and I’m a terrible person, I’m not _good enough_ , because I’m just so _scared_ , Lance, I’m terrified and I can’t—I don’t know how—I just want him _back!_ ” The last word was a yell. He was breathing hard. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel, I’m so _empty_ it _hurts_ , and I’m not strong enough to protect any of you, I’m so weak.” Lance inhaled sharply. Keith’s eyes were trained on the stars. 

“I keep messing up, because it’s _not_ your fault, Lance, it’s not anyone’s fault that Shiro’s gone or d-dead, and I _know_ that, I know that Pidge and Hunk are having a bad time, and I know that Allura and Coran are struggling with so much more grief than I am—they lost their entire _home_ —and-and you miss your family and may not see them again, and I _know_ that, and I… I don’t have any right to shout and I’m sorry, _I’m sorry_ …”

Lance was suddenly crushing him again, his own face buried in Keith’s shoulder. “Keith, you don’t have to—”

“And I said such terrible things,” Keith sobbed out, clenching Lance’s shoulder. “I said such terrible things and I can’t take them back, but I want to because you’re all _so important to me_ and that’s scary, because what if you leave too? What am I supposed to do, there’s nobody else who’ll be there for me because I don’t have anyone else,”—“Keith, _stop_.”—“and I hate it that I care about you so much, because it’s only going to hurt me! How do I _stop caring?_ ” Keith clamped his mouth shut, trying to stop the tears leaking out.

“Keith, we’re not going to leave you,” whispered Lance. “There’s no _quiznaking_ way that I’ll ever leave you. . And–and Keith, don’t _ever_ let yourself stop caring. Because if you do, you won’t be human anymore, Keith. You won’t be able to _live_ , Keith.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do. Since when have I ever been wrong?” Lance raised his eyebrows and Keith felt himself smile. The coldness in his chest eased a little. 

_There’s no way I’ll ever leave you._ Keith, stupid, foolish Keith, let himself believe those words. Let himself _hope_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually really hard to write!
> 
> I'm thinking of adding an epilogue, where they find Shiro and Klance happens :)


End file.
